


Not a Big Deal

by forbiddengrimer (robot5)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 20:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robot5/pseuds/forbiddengrimer
Summary: The morning after Dinesh and Gilfoyle finally fuck. Richard goes full Richard. No one listens to Jared.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by that one interview where kumail nanjiani said dinesh and gilfoyle should date
> 
> shout out to renee for letting me mass text all the dialogue at 3am ❤❤❤

Dinesh and Gilfoyle are sitting directly across from each another at the kitchen table, doing nothing except very deliberately eating cereal. Neither of them has said a word to each other all morning, except for arguing about who would use the shower first. Gilfoyle won and Dinesh went off to sulk in his room, trying in vain to find a shirt collar high enough to hide the mark Gilfoyle had left on his neck. The bastard definitely did it purpose, but there was no way Dinesh was popping his collar to hide it. That'd be like putting Christmas lights and a giant neon sign that said 'Hey guys just wanted to let you know I had embarrassing but kind of hot sex with Gilfoyle last night please drag me for the rest of my life' over his head. And people who popped their collar were just ridiculous with backwards hats and names like Dominic or Chad. 

He could pretend like he hadn't noticed it, like it was a rash that had only just showed up the morning after he and Gilfoyle finally fucked and got it over with. God, he hated Richard so much right now. 

But he did accidentally break Gilfoyle's lamp last night, so maybe they're even. No, it was a truly awful lamp he was doing him a favor really.

Gilfoyle still isn't talking yet and there's no feigned boredom behind his eyes, which must mean he's freaking out. 

"Okay, I guess I'll talk first," Dinesh says. 

"This is weird," says Gilfoyle. 

"Fuck you I said I'd talk first," Dinesh says. 

Gilfoyle slowly blinks. 

"Then talk," he says.

Dinesh doesn't talk. Let him sit in the tension then if he's going to be like that. 

"Having you considered shaving three times a day? I have razor burn on my thighs," Gilfoyle says casually. “From when you wouldn’t shut up.”

"What? How is that- that's different! We weren’t-" Dinesh says quickly. “We weren’t at the table eating fucking cereal-”

"Good morning!" says Jared. 

Okay so maybe Gilfoyle isn't freaking out as much as he thought, but God that was just uncalled for. There's no way he didn't see Jared coming, so he planned on leaving Dinesh with no way to reply, the coward. Jared is still talking but it's not like they ever listen to him anyway. Dinesh thinks about why the fuck he isn't freaking out more, or maybe he's just pretending he's not. He vaguely wonders if the lotion Tara left here last time will help with the razor burn. 

"...for your own protection," Jared says, placing an official looking document in the middle of the table. Dinesh reads as far as 'relationship declaration' before standing up and backing away.

"Jared. What the fuck," says Gilfoyle. 

"No," Dinesh says in a way that sounds vague but has a finality to it as well. He rigidly puts all his weight onto the back of his empty chair, hunching his shoulders. He guesses he's freaking out now. Yep, this is freaking out. "Also how did you know?" he asks.

"Paying attention to the moods and body language of those around you is an essential skill," Jared says, with all the wholesome positive feeling of a nineties after school special. "For example, you can judge whether you should stay awake all night under the rain shelter nay dumpster you're sharing with a stranger or close friend, or risk sleep. A misjudgment can lead to being stabbed for a meager supply of loose change and cigarettes."

"God, what is it like in your head! Have you been stabbed! Did you stab someone?” Dinesh asks. “Please don't answer that.”

"And I heard you on my way to check on Richard," Jared says tentatively. "And again later on my way to the bathroom."

"Well, even though we," Dinesh starts. "Even though Gilfoyle. And I."

"Fucked," Gilfoyle says. "You were a smoker?"

"Oh no, but they’re an excellent bartering tool," Jared says. 

"That's what you're asking about?" Dinesh asks incredulously. Gilfoyle glares. 

"Jared," Gilfoyle says. "We've worked in the same environment for four years. Did you really think I would willingly sign our company's, or any company's for that matter, relationship declaration form?"

"Well, as I said before the form is for HR's eye's only and is more-" Jared starts. 

"Look, the form doesn't even matter OK? It's not a big deal," Dinesh says. "And, I'd sign the form if there was anything to declare, but there's Not."

"You'd sign a corporate-" Gilfoyle starts. 

"Corporate? What corporation are you talking about? It's Jared, man. Just say Jared," says Dinesh. 

"So you'd sign it?" Gilfoyle asks. Gilfoyle never asks. 

"Like forms mean anything. You think I won't sign it? I' ll sign it," Dinesh says. 

An extremely long pause ensues. Jian Yang walks into the kitchen, grabs a yogurt, and glances at them for a second before leaving. Dinesh thinks he hears him say something in Mandarin maybe but he doesn't actually know. There are like a billion languages in China okay how's he supposed to know which one? It's not like he could even form a coherent reply right now if he tried after what he just possibly agreed to out of spite, definitely one hundred percent spite. 

"...fine," Gilfoyle says. 

"Fine," Dinesh says. 

"Great!" Jared says. God, he looks pleased the sweet idiot. 

"So," Gilfoyle says slowly. "I guess we're... dating."

"Don't ruin it," Dinesh says. "And yeah OK fine, but this changes nothing. I still hate you."

"The feeling's mutual," he says.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been almost two weeks, and all things considered everything's much quieter. Dinesh and Gilfoyle still bicker constantly, but nothing’s escalated past the point of no control in a while. The calmness wraps around the house in way that used to cause Jared a deep sense of foreboding in his adolescence, but that he’s learned to embrace as a brief oasis of stability over the years. The most out of the ordinary thing he’s noticed is Gilfoyle talking more; not to himself or Richard of course, but just whispering to Dinesh when no one else in in the room. His conflict resolution skills have been happily neglected lately in favor of business management.

"How do like your tea?" he asks.

"I don't know, just however you like it?" Richard says, before turning away and answering his phone.

Jared's finally convinced Richard to try something with caffeine besides energy drinks. A loose leaf Earl Grey is fairly decadent, but he wants to make a good impression. The ritual of brewing each cup and precisely measuring temperature and time can bring a brief respite to chaotic thoughts, something he suspects Richard might need. He knows it's not going to last (he hopes it will), but he does appreciate the gesture of Richard accepting a trial run of change in his haphazard routine.

"Yeah yeah, uh shouldn't you be calling Dinesh?" Richard asks.

He doesn't usually eavesdrop unless the conversation is business related, but Dinesh is tangentially business related at the very least.

"Oh," Richard says. Jared moves into his periphery, hoping to get his attention or some indication of the calls contents. Richard briefly glances at him but turns away.

"Yeah, he's fine. Gilfoyle isn't too terrible or at all terrible lately really. I dunno maybe they finally fucked each other and got it over with," he laughs nervously before explaining the joke in far too much detail.

The range of Richard's unspoken personal bubble has become smaller and smaller over the course of their friendship, but if Richard is talking to who he thinks he’s talking to then this calls for more drastic measures. He places a hand on Richard's shoulder.

"Hello? Mia? Hello? Huh," Richard says.

"Richard, what did you do?" Jared asks.

"I," Richard starts. He looks behind him, confused. "What are you talking about?”

"There is a chance, however small, that," Jared pauses, reconsidering his words. This requires some delicacy and he doesn’t want the slight dread to overcome his words and cause Richard any undue distress.

He gestures for Richard to sit down and joins him at the kitchen table.

"It is very important that Mia does not believe Dinesh is physically or romantically involved with Gilfoyle in any way,” he states calmly. Richard tilts his head, blinking rapidly for a moment and slightly jutting his jaw out before settling. “She can be more passionate than is legally allowed.”

He places his hands flat on the table, not in an attempt to crowd Richard but as a way to show he’s nearby.

“Because Dinesh has... delayed officially ending their relationship, there is a small, small chance she may take out her anger on all of us and destroy Pied Piper in the process," Jared finishes.

"Umm, that's not going to be a problem because they're not?" Richard says.

Jared says nothing.

"Jared," Richard says.

He looks away, so Richard just goes into Dinesh's bedroom without knocking before he can stop him.

Richard makes several distressed noises, beginning with the garbled first part of the word ‘fuck,’ and followed by a seemingly random mix of consonants and vowels he would guess have never been heard before by man and never will be again as Richard quickly slams the door shut.

"Knock!" Gilfoyle shouts.

"Jesus fucking Christ knock!" Dinesh shouts.

Richard has a moment of not moving where he looks as though his mind hasn’t quite caught up to his reality, then his face falls and panic sets in.

"Oh God," Richard says sitting down. It only takes five minutes for Gilfoyle and Dinesh to emerge. Orange is not Gilfoyle’s color, but the black t-shirt featuring a crowned snake suits Dinesh. Jared laments not making time to attend the latest interpersonal management seminar offered nearby as raised voices quickly lead to impassioned shouting, mainly from Richard.

"..ruining the company with your dick! Jesus!" Richard shouts at Dinesh.

"Oh like you're one to talk," Dinesh says.

"No no," Richard says. "It's my fault, I should have seen this coming."

Jared puts a hand on his shoulder, but Richard shrugs him off to continue pacing.

"OK what's that supposed to mean?" says Dinesh.

"Why is it that I'm always fucking blind-sighted by every little thing that can bring everything crashing down around us!" Richard shouts. Jared bites his tongue, hoping Richard’ll tire himself out before things go too badly.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" Gilfoyle says.

"What? I am! I just,” Richard stutters. “I'd expect this from you. You hate all of this, companies and businesses and people actually trying to accomplish something instead of just sitting there with your- your judgment, your armchair fucking morality, and your shitty fucking IPAs. And yeah, I said it; your pretentious hipster beer tastes like a Nintendo switch cartridge soaked in piss."

"That's a little harsh," says Dinesh.

"You can insult me Richard. And you can insult Dinesh," Gilfoyle says.

"Hey," Dinesh says.

"And you can even insult my pretentious beer," he says.

"I think I should come before the beer," Dinesh says.

Gilfoyle and Richard just look at him.

"I mean, I guess I technically just did before-" Dinesh says.

"Yes OK! We both know you're fu-" Richard starts.

"But do you really think you still aren't on your way to becoming the next Gavin Belson?" Gilfoyle says.

"What." Richard says.

"Now gentlemen-" Jared starts but he knows it’s too late.

"What are you thinking right now? What's the best way for you, Richard Hendricks, heir apparent to the next great corporate tech empire everyone's ready to jack themselves off over and pretentious human disaster of the kind only god could personally design, thinking about doing?"

Richard's mouth hangs open, indignant. Jared knows; he's thinking the best way to get Mia off their backs and away from Pied Piper is to fire Dinesh and Gilfoyle, thus hopefully minimizing any collateral damage. But Richard's not saying it, he’s used up all his eloquence and anger already and can’t dredge up anything else. Richard pulls a hand over his face, possibly to cover up the fidgeting or gain some semblance of control, hand flexing tightly.

"So,” Richard says, briefly looking Gilfoyle in the eyes. “Did you actually ever give a shit or did you only stick around for a chance to fuck Dinesh?"

"Richard!" Jared says scandalized. Turns out he was very, very wrong.

"That's actually kind of flattering," Dinesh says.

Gilfoyle gets up to leave.

"If you need me I'll be elsewhere," Gilfoyle says, grabbing a beer from the refrigerator. He takes a huge swig before saying 'mmm' and walking out.

"I guess I should go after him. He is wearing my shirt. And Richard? I'm," Dinesh pauses. "I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I'm not sorry. I feel a little bad OK fine who wouldn't with Gilfoyle. But mostly I don't."

"It's fine Dinesh. I'm just being-"

"A complete asshole, yeah we got that," Dinesh says before leaving while muttering under his breath.

Richard rubs his hands over his face and closes his eyes.

"...I was going to say... protective," Richard finishes lamely.

"Now Richard, before you makes any decisions-" Jared starts.

"I'm not firing Dinesh and Gilfoyle," he sighs.

"Well, yes-"

"I'd have to fire myself for sleeping with Liz before that."

"Ah, um no."

"No?"

"Dinesh and Gilfoyle, after much good-natured camaraderie, both agreed to sign a relationship declaration form which protects them from being unfairly fired simply for choosing to become romantically involved," he says.

"What?"

"In short, because they informed HR which for all intensiv-" he starts.

"Jared."

"You can't legally fire them even if you wanted to, which Gilfoyle undoubtedly knows," Jared finishes.

"I can't even pretend to fire them just to get Mia off our backs?" Richard asks.

"Richard we all live in the same house. While the ruse may work for a few days Mia is no slouch when it comes to finding information others are trying to keep hidden. I once managed to hide in a cave while trying to escape my biological father's-"

"God stop Jared I love you but please just be quiet for just five minutes I need time to think this out," he says quickly.

Jared opens his mouth but quickly closes it because, well. He should, he should do something. He should go after Dinesh and Gilfoyle (but as much as they profess to hate each other they do care and he’s not needed). He should reassure Richard that Mia may not even do anything (but Richard asked him not to speak). He should offer some physical comfort, a soothing touch or kind look. Instead he stands dazed, wondering if Richard knows what he just said, how much he meant it or if he meant it as more than a manipulative stalling tactic. _He wouldn’t_ , he thinks. _He wouldn’t, right?_

"Wow," says Big Head.

"Jesus Christ!" Richard says startled. They both forgot Big Head was here.

"Sorry," says Big Head.

He stops himself from greeting him and instead waves, tongue heavy in his mouth.

"Um. Yeah sorry Big Head," Richard mutters.

They all sit on the couch with Richard in the middle. Jared is a little… he doesn’t know. Happy? He feels an unaccustomed joy settle in his stomach, but cautious and deep, the frazzled edges digging in. They all sit in silence.

"Why would Mia go after you?" Big Head asks.

"Because her ex-boyfriend and her enemy, who is also the man Dinesh is sleeping with," Richard says deliberately, hands gesturing tightly. "Both work for me."

"But you told her that," Big Head says.

Jared and Richard just look at him.

"I mean, she called you because Dinesh wouldn't answer his phone right?" Big Head says.

"Yeah," Richard says.

"And the first thing you did was let her know what's going on," he says.

"Forgive me for speaking when you explicitly asked me not to, but Big Head is right. Mia has no qualms with you directly. While there is a chance we could get caught in the crossfire, there is no guarantee that she'll cause us any harm. In fact, she may even go out of her way to avoid causing Pied Piper any harm because you were honest with her," Jared says.

"So the best thing we can do for now-" Richard says.

"-is essentially nothing," Jared finishes. Richard finally relaxes for a moment, leaning on Jared before visibly recomposing himself.

"I'm gonna just. I've got a lot of work to do," he says.

"Hey, try to relax you've earned it," Jared says.

"No if I relax I can't stop thinking, but if I keep working I don't have to think about this and I won't. Do something stupid like overthink this," Richard says.

Richard stumbles over his own feet while getting up before going to his room. Jared watches him fondly.

"So. Richard loves you," Big Head says.

"I don't think he knows he said it," Jared says.

They can see into the kitchen. Richard stares determinedly at the two cups of tea, over-brewed by now and bitter. He quickly drinks both before opening the refrigerator and grabbing three energy drinks.

"Probably not," Big head agrees.

Richard goes to his room and Jared frowns, but only seconds later he return to the refrigerator.

"I'm sure he meant it in the way a close friend or confidant might say to their..." he starts, but can’t think of how to finish that thought.

"Nah. As long as I've known him he's never said I love you to anyone, not even his parents," Big Head says. “I have only known him since middle school though.”

Richard eyes the three cans in his hands closely before reluctantly putting two back in the refrigerator.

"Oh," says Jared. The frazzled feeling in his stomach twists and settles.


End file.
